l.o.d.e.s.t.a.r

Gloomy 08

2008-05-15T19:27:00.002+12:00

Death affects us in many ways..

Sometimes it makes u want to jump over the cliff

Sometimes it makes u a stronger and better person

Sometimes it makes u question about the 'unfairness' of life

Sometimes it makes u scared, lost and feel very unfortunate

Sometimes it makes u relief and grateful

Sometimes it makes u crazy..

and even

Sometimes it makes u wonder who's next?

is it going to be me?

Gay 08

2008-05-07T17:56:00.002+12:00

It's May and Nz Gay month is.. back!
Dunno wot's behind all these but just hope there arent gonna be any nude parade..again
some things are just better left undisplayed.

Anyways, congratulation to Wellington for being the NEW GAY CAPITAL (After all these years it has always been auckland and thanks for the wider supports and acceptances down under, gay ppl can now move on to a new environment.)

Smile 08

2008-05-03T12:43:00.004+12:00

Get over it Woman!

This is what tickle me to my spine lately. A woman who is nothing better than any of us trying to compete with this 'another female', in a helpless hope of filling in this 'another female' spot. So, in order to get a better understanding of this story in words..Lets call this idiotic woman J and this 'another female' M.
Telling the truth, not many people seems to favour this J woman. The reasons behind this delightful dislikeness is because J's facial features has always been a 1-cent potrait. It is SO cheap that people tend to use it as their shit-hole wiper (in exchange to even more expensive toilet paper). Unfortunately to J, people around her has always describe her as this scary, gruesome cave woman. Not forgetting an ass kisser too(No wonder she's more popular than the toilet paper. kissing service on a butt, who wouldnt want that!). Anyways, J has no mission in life. She wants what others have, but it has never occur to her that she is nothing better nor equal than the others.
One of zillionz blunders that i know (so far)is that J is copying M actions to get to M's lover. Well M and I has been good friends for ages. It was so funny when she told me just how J made a fool out of herself by putting 3-inch make up on her grumpy face just to compete with M * Mind u she put on a make up of 3 tones lighter than her original dark skin, calling M's lover by a cheeky nickname including the nickname that M had for her lover, gave M's lover the exact same present that she had first given him on their first anniversary and a lot more. the only reason why M's lover still treat her nicely is because she is a good work slave. u give her job and she'll do it. but a crazy person like her wont notice this because she choose what she want to see and she lives in a dream where she herself is a director.

My advice to people like J: Yo Girl! kiss ya own shit! Get over it! Don't steal the life of a person that u arent capable to handle. Go out there and discover the open options yourself. and PUT A BLOODY DAMN SMILE on your face, monster!!

P/s: i know some of u might get offended by the words i use. i got that all the times.. But this is how i channel my anger emotion into writings. When u got something to let go, u let go. what happens to M, happens to me.. and i enjoy watching these kind of people go down as much people that i respect obtain their success. :)

Autumn 08'

2008-05-01T17:58:00.002+12:00

The temperature is certainly dropping in a drastic manner. 2 days back it was 17C n today it becomes 7C MAX. Rain drops are indeed our new and annoying guests in Christchurch. They take their time lingering and 'chill'ing on our land and leaving back messy earth puddles and damped streets as a 'thank you' note for accepting their long, grueling stay.

Well, you are welcome! (NOT!!! NOT!!! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!! U UGLY FRAT DROPS!)

It broke my heart to see my high spirit shattered to the ground. pieces by pieces were stomped, kicked and stepped on by passer-bys. u know wot i'm talking about. the spirit that u rebuild during the holidays, the oath that u make to urself, the changes that u expect in return... still no idea? u think i'm a pointless blogger?? seriously!
u know at one stage, after u put ur mind at rest, u would realize that u are actually unclear with something (in this case, the whole subjects of this semmester) so u then come up with a plan- to bring out something better in the future. (in this case *again*, attend all classes, do the weekly homeworks, study 3x). However, in this weather, everything seems impossible!
For example, the other day i felt like the duvet and me are like 'stamp and envelope'. we are glued to one another. if u wanna take me away, u have to take the duvet too or the duvet has to be apart of my clothes to school! i was mesmerized with the idea, then i fell back to sleep. It took quite awhile to actually shift my big fat ass off the bed. when that finally happened, my mood was vile and unpleasant.
The concept i'm trying to point out in this blog is :
"Dont disturb a sheep under its big fat wool" :)

stressful 2008

2008-03-08T19:15:00.004+13:00

i got my nails done last night. glossy red. *Yeay! my nails are pretty & HOT*
But, I'm pretty sure those 2 korean makcik who worked with my nails, were talking about me. they kept talking to each other and giving the 'head' gestures to one another. creepy!. *Imagine indian head dance done by 'murai' koreans*
anyways, eventho i had never learn any languages other than english, malay and chinese (i only learn one word tho, chibai :P), i had this instinct that i was their verbal victim that night. (verbal victim? that sounds brutal or aggressively abused. exaggeration makes a whole lot of sense, nowadays!) By the rate of their lips movement, i would say.. they were complaining about my partially buffed nails, my super cool pants and my messy hair (i got blown by the nasty wind alrite!)

As i about to leave the mall, i heard people screaming a very familiar name... ANNE! ANNE! ANNE! *I was thrilled till i almost dropped my mobile. strucked by d almighty thunder. frozen by the damn seconds.*
I could feel it, it was my moment. now or never.
i twisted my body like a super hot lingerie model, pumped my lips, twitched my eyes a little and pulled a damn sexy smile.(i know.. this might sound LAME, but i'm bored. bare with it. ). i then walked straight down to them, with high confidence, shaking my hair in slow motion*Shake2 to the left, shake2 to the right* and greeting them in a to-die-for tone.

anyways, i had a great nite. thnx 4 inviting me in.
got to go! Dennys time~!! woohoo

hello 2008 !

2008-03-02T21:36:00.002+13:00

"Sometimes when things don't go your way, you just have to surrender to destiny. But sometimes, you can change it. "

first day of school, first class of new semester, first 10 minutes of the engineering course 2008
the first assignment was presented in front of our eyes. both front and back were 75% covered in black inks. words were typed neatly in Times New Roman font. submission date was underlined and the cases were a bit exaggerated. The prize was attractive yet beyond our reach. It was designing task!!!
I dont know how other felt but i just couldnt wait to start!
designing or inventing smthing new is indeed more exciting than the stupid calculations on mechanics of materials nor fluids. Now i can see my purpose of life much clearer- to design and to come out with a whole brand new idea!!! to earn millionz of dollars for brilliant thinking and become popular like a superstar! :)

28/2/08

Black T-shirt

2007-12-25T05:47:00.000+13:00

i thought i was normal until i got caught during the TPE petronas camp in PD few weeks ago.
They suggest me to go to a rehab as my addiction has become worse.
I told them i'm alright. I'm healthy. I'm stable.
Unfortunately, My words aren't strong enough to penetrate through their ears.
They can't be heard. They are like lulluby during the day.
My actions are their solid proofs.

Being denial is the same as inviting more lions into a trapped cage
Danger awaits..

Finally i admit
i'm addicted to it
I can't live without it
I seem to wanting more and more everyday

My precious...
My precious...
your smelly black t-shirt :P
p/s: it's ok if u got no clue. Only those who have been in my room know wot i mean.

"An addiction can be cured but it takes more time than mending a broken heart and healing a serious disease. "

Back home

2007-11-23T16:56:00.000+13:00

That's right!
Home sweet home~ too many things to do yet too little time ahead. i've listed few things that i have to do during this 3-month break. and the act of not being able to complete it is suicidal :P
1-Hair choPping- probably going for layered n fringe
2- shoPping
#Hard dIsc
#EyefraMe
#ClothEs & BAgs
#Shoes
# More..MOre...morE
3- Mamak StaLL(breakfast, lunch, dinner... EVERYDAY)
4-BaLIk kAmpong
5-Internship(purgh! not looking forward for this)
6-Girls night in & day out with fellow lil' cousins
7-Pet Cammp(WHen??)

Britney & annie

2007-11-13T23:10:00.001+13:00

Hey! how many of u guys love Britney Spears?*mmm-room of silence-mm* I DO!
I love britney since forever she appears on the media!! She is probably cracked up at the top list of hall of shame right now but she got all the good reasons for that. and i still love her!
u guys have probably seen the worst side of britney lately- divorce, going bald, no undies, lame performance on MTV, poor parenting, mother issue, drink and drive.. etc. yeah i know the list seems to go on.. but everyone has their 'down' moment rite? and hers just happened to be CONTINUOUS
The recent story about britney is she had just lost 50-50 custody rights of her 2 sons and instead of commiserating her loss she continued party her way round LA. Hours after the court denied her request of joint custody of her 2 sons Sean Preston & Jayden James she was caught boozing, stripping and lap-dancing with her former assistant's ex. Before u start judging her, let me tell u one thing.. crying is not the best solution to any problems and taking problems too seriously is just a waste of time.. sometimes u just have to chill out, share it with friends and take it from there. Britney has proved to us she took different measure. having fun times with friends do heal some sorrow and loneliness inside.
In the recent NW cover page, u'll notice britney in a super-slutty-pink tiger costume. i cant deny that she looks awful in that shit. but deep down i know she wore it because she wanted to feel sexy and wanted again just like how it was before she was married to that stupid dick! plus i read this from an ariticle in NW
"That's one of the reason she's gone so sex crazy-wearing no knickers, wanting to be a stripper and hitting on random men and women in nightclubs-all because her mom told her that sex was for 'bad girls'."
She's a rebellious child. Even in the supernanny, they have made it all clear in each show that parents should not use the word 'NO' too often around their children, cause they will tend to do what they are restricted from.
i think me & britney share the same thing. i'm a rebellious child too. i have my story which i rather not sharing in this blog but i learned from it and never regret. i guess sooner or later Britney will rise again and realise wot she did was really childish. Hey whats life without some adventures? Displaying ur p*ssy in public is indeed one! :P

Dont playing games w my heart~

2007-11-12T22:27:00.000+13:00

Dear Naguleswaran,
i sat for your final exam this morning. IT was ridiculous! I didnt know u are capable of making my life completely miserable & f*cked up! Remember wot u said in class, "There's more to life than studying..". i actually took that shit! i thought the exam will be as easy as last year's. but u really f*cking mess up with my life man..
U should give it a break.. 223 was our(mechanical engineering students) last paper..it was supposed to be a good happy ending :(( . u are no good friend man..
Quit playing games with my heart.
sincerely,
dead.

Exam finished. Holidays await. time is no longer timeless..

after the exam finished, i went to the mall.. bought manicure and pedicure set, window shopping again (since i've already spent 100 bux on dresses a couple of days ago) and get retarded! it was already asar when we got back. Then headed out with few of my engineering pals.. lepak2. talking stuffs other than academic. there was a topic took me by surprise, these guys actually admit they rather prefer curvy chick than sad skinny ones. i knew that but i've never actually seen a guy confessed it out loud. so for chicks out there.... get ur self tons of fats and bring THE SEXY BACK!
Afterwards, they dropped me off at Q's place. Q cook nasi ayam and invite few frens down but i was too full with the meal i had before, cudn't b bothered with the chicken rice. i'm sure it's tasty but my tummy already started growling- which is scary :P
then around 9 hanisa, me and che ah played monopoly game. i never had so much playing monopoly for ages. it used to be kinda stressful and boring. however, last night we played till 4.30 am!! laughters were all we had. i also learned a few tips on winning monopoly;
1. if ur frens have started building houses and hotels, GO TO JAIL. the outside atmosphere is not safe for u anymore.
2. Get the utilities! it's so damn useful!
3. When your frens started to talk how little money they have, it means they are f*cking rich. reverse psycology.

Thats about it. the hours after the final paper...

Jealousy kills

2007-11-10T23:49:00.000+13:00

migraine, migraine.. go away
come again another day
Little annie has paper this monday....
migraine, migraine..little annie doesn't wish to see u again!

my migraine just got worst. it'd been 4 hours today. Hope i didnt screw the math exam i sat while having it :(. My family was a bit surprised when i was diagnosed with migraine aura 2 years ago. the difference between migraine aura and other types of migraine is that it actually affects the vision and could make one goes partially blind for awhile. it wasn't too bad. when i first got the migraine, i actually thought that i would go blind.. so i sat at one corner, crying while hugging myself..swallowing the pain & pray to god. once it disappeared, i ran out of the room and appreciate my valuable senses.........................then everything back to normal again. :P

i have to study 4 my last paper but i'm not in the mood. i dont understand why ppl keep misinterpreting my actions! they think i'm that jealous-type girl who dont trust her boyfriend & want him for herself!! urgh! i'm so tired facing this same accusation everyday!! like the other day i txtd mr J asking him for help. i'm a magz junky- i will either read them completely at the book store or buy them! since, i havent been out for quite awhile due to examination week, i just need to get my hand on the magazine that was issued on that particular week. i cant miss an issue, otherwise i'll lost! so i askd mrJ to look up for me the magz title coz i dint know if the new issues are already out or not... plus i heard it's about britney(again..) and i just got to have it in my collection! so, u know when u ask for help from sumbdy who u hardly talk to.... u just need to intrigue them with normal conversation so that it wont look rude. it's called courtesy in cnversation... for example
"hi.. boleh tolong i amikkan my dry cleaning tak? oh btw... u look so hot in tht outfit, where did u buy it?" <--this last bit is called COURTESY!!
so, after askd 4 help i slipped my best courtesy line 'balik lewat..byk duit menang bjudi smalam? hehe' AND he misinterpreted it as if i was interrogating him wot my bf was doing last night!!

other similar case is when ppl thought i was jealous when my bf hang-out with a girl. for millions time i don't n i won't. i was pissed off because i heard different stories about them from different ppl n plus i have this hatred thing with 'mengada girl'. this hatred comes from my principle of girl shud be strong not ngada. all girls tend to be ngada (even me) because got creates us with charms that can win our way through society without creating any competition. but wudnt it be better if we win or get to the top because of our brain & courage?? *well, it's not a crime to use the charms sometimes :P* plus i have no reason to be jealous- i look good at 49kg & 161 cm, smart enough to compete in engineering field under pet, happy with friends- boys & girls, and i'm nice(kan? kan?...*hehe*). Furthermore, jodoh di tangan tuhan.. kalo jadi, jadi lah...(thnx bulan 4 making me realise this)

Those who really know me know that i'm jealous only when it comes to
1. MONEY
2. KNOWLEDGE-including exam marks! (ppl used to call me lokek ilmu. wahaha)

the reason i got myself into SBP because of money. i found out my brother received more pocket money than i do when he entered SEMASHUR. which pisssed me off! i went berserk, calling him names (jealous kan?? nak buat macam maner?).. haih~. and there was once, my fren 'Cik C' was supposed to get marks higher than me.. after i found out.. i hid her paper tak nak bg dier tmbah mrkah. :))

freedom

2007-11-05T19:36:00.000+13:00

i spared 2 years seeking for 1
when there's a way, i shut
the reason being
i'm not ready 2 be out on my own

but when it suffocates u
once so many times
the road to freedom turned on its light
to guide u away and away and away.
from the misery
u kept inside.

once again i didnt take the road
i have faith on wot i'm doing
but faith doesnt seem to agree
now it's time to be free

Just feel like writing :)

2007-11-02T15:48:00.000+13:00

This is a story about a damn bitch
back-stabbing is her profession
'i am a bitch' reflects on her complexion
she listens, she sees & she manipulates
i guess the world around her built with hates
spreading bad words about people is what she good at
to my surprise, she never regrets
not now, not yet..
people trust her with their lives
after all, she does look like an innocent child
personal stories are shared
and the next day, they are spread!
Sometimes she told lies to make herself looks good
it hurts others but she's too ignorant
and too rude.

living life in a lonely world
that is why she becomes a bitchy girl..
(there is nothing in this world that gives us the right to judge or to critic about others. we are human and every single one of us has problems. look in the mirror and see your flaws before u shit about others and think u r better than them all! i dnt judge sum1 until tht sum1 mess w me.)

ugly stress

2007-11-02T00:14:00.000+13:00

Yes! the word for today is stress a.k.a Mr what-the-f*ck!
who would thought the emth271 paper would turn it's back on us this freaking morning??!
The easy-peesy past year paper had clearly under gone a make-over and been reconstructed into an ugly piece of s#it!! Too many problems & too little time.. what on earth does J.Hannah thinks?
We are not some mechanical robots or matlab programs to solve those Qs in 2-short hours!
Clearly, he has no sympathy towards his 'victims'! yes engineering people..we were victimised by mathematician! face it!

As the test began, i tried to attempt the Q by order. proceed to next Q after the 1st Q has been completed. During the test, Mr. T(tomen) sat infront of me . He made me sworn under my breath the whole time.. as he kept flipping the exam papers forward and backward restlessly. i noticed it took him awhile before he settled down. i told myself 'this is bad. really bad'. i couldnt figure out the first Q in short time, what more the Qs that were waiting for me at the back... DANG!

Everyone was a bit reluctant to smile after that paper *shrug* i understand why...

Right after the test, we headed up to ric mall. planned on killing some unuseful time & accomplished it. i ended up buying a dress from espirit & ms b(bulan) bought us drinks (thanks!! muah~!!). and mr FD(fashion disaster) who suffers from fashion disorder couldnt decide on a new jacket that he supposed to buy (his mission.. as told) & that could make his life flourishing with admirations from public. he needs a serious help on his wardrobe problem :P

p/s: i baked brownies 2nite. its yummy~ oh forgot to mention mr HAW(Hutang Anne Wedges) and ms P(pa-in) pon baked choc cake. tapi brwnies habis dulu. haha

I was

2007-10-31T16:06:00.000+13:00

..bored and was looking for some fun..so i came across to this girl's blog and took the quiz. Now, i'm back to studying again, battle over a never ended knowledge, coz i was a warrior once.. And a warrior will fight till the last drop of his blood...

Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Ontario around the year 800. Your profession was that of a warrior, hunter, fisherman or executor of sacrifices.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You always liked to travel and to investigate. You could have been a detective or a spy.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop your talent for love, happiness and enthusiasm and you should distribute these feelings to all people.

Do you remember now?

Check who u really were in your last life here.
who knows u were a king or maybe a murderer....

Hobos & Totes

2007-10-30T22:52:00.000+13:00

Ok.. i've been dying to talk about bags to people but whenever i open my mouth..they just shoot me down. The reason being is that i'm not a cute, small handbag lover, but i'm a big fan of BIG HOBOS & TOTES.. Come on people, imagine just how many empty spaces in that superb looking bags waiting to be stuffed with all your personal belongings.- it's not just limited to handphones, pdas & purses. it could be the WORLD if u want to! lol

The hobo tht i've been dying to get (Kalau ader duit) is the 2007 balenciaga giant hobo & Balenciaga anthracite tote! Just look how beautiful they are....*saliva dropping*
The slouchy shape, the fabulous gold harware!!- ohh!! its just suitable for this fall season and the one with christina is simply suit day out on the street!! fantastic!
One thing about balenciaga bag..it is perfect for young women who just want to chill out and having fun! ARGH! they are damn gorgeous!!

This fendi bag is also a breath-taking human creation! simply an excellent buy!!! just pop ur eyes on it's A+ craftmanship & the soft texture. irresistable isn't it? ISN'T IT??!!!
:( i want these bags..............

Support the gay society?

2007-10-30T18:45:00.000+13:00

fluid (enme 224 ) exam has long passed..
fluid books had already been stored in the drawer. (not wanting to face it till .. say, forever?).
Right now, i'm struggling to open another book and actually studying it thoroughly. *pss.. while writing this, there's a book on my table looking at me back. i think he (i prefer my book to be a male) just gave me the tau-takpe look. yeah.. and he is angry.pfft!*
My next paper is this thursday which kinda coincide with the new coming episode of gossip girl and grey's (download rom the hub, mind ya!). That explains clearly why this brain refuses to function at its optimum level.
humans are gifted with 2 sides of brain- left and right. one works particularly in abstract creativity and the other one is the part that plays the main role in life of those with no (or very little) sense of any work of arts. i say the group of the 3 quarter of earth population. So, this part of my brain is dead on words but turned back on when the tv shows are played on the screen. i cant stop thinking wot's gonna happen on the next episode of grey's and gossip girl. These thoughts have kept me drowning and senseless towards studying. *sigh...*
A couple of minutes ago, i thought about George O'malley- the married intern who cheated on his wife. In the series, he's a wild catch and being surrounded by 2 sexy women. However, in real world he's a gay man. a homosexual. disturbed? maybe a lil' especially when u start to think he is CUTE! Due to this, Dr burke had called him "faggot"..
u know, personally i don't understand why ppl have to treat the gay ppl differently.. it's not like they are having a disease or illness.. but they just don't share the same interest as we are! i know god (the almighty ALLAH) prohibits us from any sexual relationship with same sex. Infact, thousands years ago he showed his anger to such unacceptable intimacy by turning the land upside-down and crushed these gay people hundreds feet under the ground. Back then, those people were warned about their activities as they were doing it for fun and horrifyingly out of marriage or love- they even showed women with no respect.
i understand and value the religious point of view.. and i also believe the people back then doing it because they wanna experiment each other, not because they were born different. but somehow i wonder about those innocent children who realise at their early age that they are different from their friends. same-sex attraction. it's not their fault that they are wot they are. and there's no medicine to treat them as being a gay is not an illness!! and because of the stupid society they are neglected from having normal life just like the rest of us. that's cruel!!

all i'm saying, before u ditch somebody because of their difference, put urself in their shoes..and ask urself 'is this how u wanna be treated?'